Marissa, the memories of you are keeping me up tonight. I can’t stop crying. I remember all the fun times we had. I remember at kincaid when we were drinking you were beastin the bottle and u let me get some but I was drinking it slow and u hella were like cmon quit baby sitting it. Ha Marissa you make me laugh. I remember the last time I was with you, it was at nick Curtis house, and you wanted to take a picture with me so we did. I had no idea that it would be my first and last picture with you, I cherish it, it’s on my myspace page. I miss your smile and crazyness, well I just was thinking of youand remembered about this site and thought I’d tell you that your keeping me up and that I’ll prob be late to school now :p
Marissa, ughh school is going terrible. im trying to stay positive but i cant. you go through my head the whole day! and then i deal with people talking bad about me and i cant go through this anymore! im done its too much. this year has been terrible entering my sophmore year i would have never guessed this would happen. when i meet you i knew we would be life long friends and we are but i throught my whole life to not just 431 days but im glad i got all those days to see you were such a beautiful person from the inside and out. im gonna miss you every second of my life. im trying to be strong with my family problems and you kno what they are. but i cant please help me try to be stron. i love you to peices marissa. i miss you babygirl. rest in peace. keep me strong.
missa i love you and miss you!! 🙁
Leadership isnt the same without you.
you were someone i could always look up to where did you go?
i dont understand i am too young for this kind of thing. i really dont understand how something could have been that bad. you could have talked to me. you knew that! it was just yesterday when you were struting your stuff in the leadership fashion show. well we havent had one since you left us. i miss those fridays. everyone is down in the dumps no one has the same glow they did when you were here. you took something away from us when you left us. you took the happiness of our class. i miss you so much. make me happy again!!
Marissa, i need you more than anything babygirl.. how can i go on when its hurting me deep inside? i need you back. im crying my eyes out baby girl. im parents arent doing good and i need someone to talk to and to give me info. i dont have that person anymore. people always tell me things get better over time but how can they when your gone? i cant even do the one thing you always wanted me to do and thats smiling. its so hard accepting the fact your gone. im still shocked and sad. i mean you watch me at school you know im different. when you passed away you took me to. please give me the strenght i need babygirl. i love you Marissa. i miss you
Marissa well if you were here right now you would be superr excited to knoww what has happened at my workk 🙂 you probablyy saww yesterday; all i could do was think about you girlie and how much you wanted to meet them lol. well i love you and think about you everydayy hope your having fun up there. miss you
seems worse lately..i miss you like crazy! give me the strength for this weekend please this is gunna be hard without you..but were all doing it for you. i love you soo much and i need you i dont know how many times i can say that buti really mean it. wish you were here with u today..well i mean everyday but i especially need you today
Hey Marissa:)
I’ve taken the time to read all of the entries in this website. Some made me laugh, and then some made me have that knot in your throat that tells you that you are going to cry. Yes, I cried. I miss you Marissa. and love you. today there was a rally and all the cheerleader were doing the dance moves. and i realized that you weren’t there. Only if you were then the whole routine wouldve been perfect. The only mess up in that dance was that you werent there. I know that there are hecka people missing you and i’m one of them. And I know that you are watching over every single one of us. One day, we will see each other again. And I’m going to give you a huge hug. And from there, we’ll see each other forever and eternity. I won’t have to worry about losing you again. That day will come. and I seriously can’t wait. Well. I love you and miss you. I always will “)
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO(infiniti)
Luis Vazquez
Hey marissa. well its been a very strange few months. i think about you often and miss you every day. whenever we sing a song in spanish it always reminds me of that day we sang the song about rain and you were singing it so loud behind me and i kept laughing at you. well you should have been there at school today with the cheerleaders dancing for us. it would have made it better. i miss you marissa.
love always Jesika
wow 3 months today. Marissa, honestly i cant do it anymore going to school and pretending to be fine when im not. and the rally the dance team preformed and i would have killed to see you out there living it up. but your not. its been three long months and i cant seem to find my happiness goes to show you it was with you. i need you back baby girl. i love you Marissa. save a place for me.
woww so i absolutely hate feeling this way. like honestly girl what were you thinking leaving us here like this. i cant even be at school cuz everything is just making me think of you and i start crying… this has been the longest three months of my life. i want you back so badd. it feels like over time its just getting worsee. everyone is doing a lot to help your memory stay on. the dress thing you started is going great. im getting a b in ap gov i think your helping me out a little bit cuz i honestly have no clue how im doing it. i miss you so much and just want you back. remember that time you told me something at taco bell and i got mad? yahh i would do the same exact thing if i saw you right now cuz im so mad at you girll. but i still love you at the same time and cant wait till i get to see you again. miss you with all of my hearttt.
Baby Girl, wow 3 months today.. it suckss school is so lonesome now that your gone. almond blossom went ok but Marissas closet was GREAT. got tons of dresses. i dontated 10. i got an air brush shirt there thats red and black and says “in loving memory of Marissa McLeod.” on the back of it. Marissa i miss you so much everyday. i have been holding back me tears today and im finally letting them out right now. im in so much pain since you have left me. and im now getting to that mad stage. like im mad at you for leaving me behind but im pissed at myself for feeling mad towards you. i know i shouldnt be but now im more hurt. i know my words and tears can not bring you back. i wish i could just co back and change your mind. i cant seem to get better. i remember the last time i talked to you was about cheer. and then a couple days later you were gone! i dont want to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go. but honey im doing it. its hard getting up and getting dressed every morning for school. theres no reason to. i miss you baby girl. i love you so much Marissa. save a place for me.
-Kayla
Well, it’s been three months. I was in a really depressed mood today, and I couldn’t figure out why. Then I realized the date. And I remembered that today makes three months that we have all been living in this world without you. I miss you so much baby girl, so much. I thought a lot about you this weekend…almond blossom. I went and visited Marissa’s Closet, it had such an amazing turn out! I’m so proud of you for starting something that amazing. Just goes to show what an awesome person you were, you had such a big heart. I miss talking to you about all my boy problems in leadership, I miss having you there to comfort and tell me all your advice; you had some good knowledge 😉 Those hilarious fashion shows where you used to rule the floor…yeah we haven’t had one of those since you left us. It’s just not the same. I miss your bright red lipstick, and the way we could all hear you coming from around the corner thanks to your high heels! But most of all I miss the way you used to make everyone smile. The way you always knew what to say, and everything was better with you here. I miss you girl, I can’t wait to see you again someday…I love you Marissa.
3 months sissy..will i ever find happiness without you here? its so hard. almond blossom was this weekend and marissa’s closet went amazing. these moths have been the longest ones of my life…you made my life so much easier always telling me to stay strong. i hear your voice in my head all the time telling me that. you knew me better than anyone in this world. i couldnt figure out why i got up this morning and then jus asked to go back to bed. then i relaized the date and it hit me, thats why i didnt wanna get up. 3 fucking months..and a long hard time too go. you changed my life sissy and i miss you so much. i love you marissa. keep watching over me..its getting worse.
marissa its been 3 long months since ive seen your beautiful face. i miss you girl. the parties havent been the same! you were always the life of the party:) and no one will ever fill your place. well i love you and miss you so much. i feel as if theres a hole in my heart and it feels as if it get worse each and every day. i love you girl.
heyy babygirll guess what? me and kaitlyn got accepted to sac statee 🙂 you probably already knoww but just needed to share it with youu. now can you just have sonoma hurry up and tell me pleasee. love youuu
Hello everyone, I know it’s been a hard 3 months and we are all dealing with things in our own way. Just please remember Marissa is watching over all of you and making sure you all are doing ok. I am in search of a blanket that Marissa had. Her mother would really love to find it cause it’s a blanket that her and Marissa shared and she would love to have that memory in her room. It was her Zebra print on one side and red on the other tie balnket. If anyone has it or knows where it is can you please help us out. It would mean the world to her mother to have it back. Thank you for your help.
Miss you forever Marissa!! Love you with all we have!
I realllyyyyyyyyy wish you were here! Ahh you’ve missed SO much. I’m starting to think of tattoo ideas to get something in memory of you 🙂 I miss you a lot,!! I love you:)
hey marissa. im getting a tattoo for you its pretty neat i drew it. today has been flipping terrible! my parents keep putting me down. man i wish you were here so i can feel better. i miss you dwn her baby girl. i love you
Hey Marissa, I know I really didn’t get to know you while you were alive but I really miss you right now. I miss your beautiful brown eyes && your sparkeling personality. I miss seeing you on campus and performing with the cheerleaders, I know your dead and all, but too many of us still feel that you should be alive, living up life with us. I remember that day in Spanish when you explained that game where you have to cover your eyes with your hands and if someone does this you get out & I really didn’t understand how to play the game when you were done explianing, but I understood that it was something that you and your friends had created together and that it was special. And the day that I’ll remember for the rest of my life; the day you took me home from school. It was the first day of school, and I had already hated it. You took me home when you knew I was in need of help and I can’t thank you enough for that. My step sister just left me there and since I was in the office trying to call her or find my own way home, you helped me. It was probably one of the best days of my life, I didn’t care how much my step sister yelled at me for getting into your car that day, I just cared that a complete stranger, at the begining of it all, could become someone that cared about me even if it was just for a few moments. And right now, it feels as if no one cares. I made the smallest mistake, & I’m being punished as if I had commited the worst sin in the world. You saw what happened, I felt you in the office with me, there was a strange presence, and I’m pretty sure that it was you. I knew the tension rising in me was going to get me somewhere where I didn’t need to be, but I didn’t care. I just kept thinking about you and how you could have done it differently. I think I’m starting to understand why you set yourself free, you just couldn’t get away from it all. I feel that a lot, and sometimes I just want to set myself free, but I know if I do, that no good will come of it. I’ve began to start thinking that things only have downsides. There are no upsides, everything comes down when you throw it up, so why do we throw it up? Probably becuase at least for a moment, its fun. Well I don’t know what else to say, but I miss you and I hope you’re taking care of everyone, because everyone who you have needed, now need you. I miss you, ILY.
Hey Marissa, man my life is SO different without you, no one to catch me when i fall, no one to dry my tears. im SO sensitive now. when i cry now i dnt just cry over one reason i cry over every thing. i have faith i will meet you again when ever that time comes. but my life in my obligation i have o stay here even if some/most days id rather be with you. i know the way you were somewhat thinking and it scares me. life is a hell whole and why do us humans put ourselfs through when eternial happiness is among us? idk that awnser remains with you. but i cant thrown in the towel yet. everyday i miss you. and everyday people talk about you. i love you with all my heart marissa. but im so mad at you(realize when i say im mad its just and emotion, but when i say i love you is a lifelong feeling i have in my heart that takes away the anger) i cant believe you just walked out on my life. you saw how upset i was about dillon and we stayed on the phone that WHOLE night you wouldnt hang up til i was done crying and you made things easy to get through. and i actually thought i was gonna be ok. so why did you put me back through this but WORSE? when you left you wrecked my whole world.. i dont know how to get it back. when im having a problem and i just leave it alone i feel you slipping away from me. but when i face it i peel you surrounding me like your forcing me to face my fears. Marissa guess what i realized. i was scared to let you go because i didnt want to stop loveing you. but i realized i can love more than one person. you will always be in my heart but so will my family and myself now. i never want to lose you. so stay with me. please dont forget me. marissa i love you. and i cant wait for that day im with you again.
with all my heart..
kayla
Mariiiisssssssaaa! i miss you! Life has just been crazy lately. When i got in that accident you were one of the first people i wanted to tell. 🙁 it made me miss how i would always tell you my stories in english. We miss you down here baby girl. Graduation in going to be here so soon and i wish you were going to be there right along with us. Love you giirrrl
good morning Marissa,
wow last night was terrible. why do i always seem to get hurt. then when i do i cry. then when i cry i think of you and how much i NEED you here. Marissa i miss you, i miss your advice, i dont know how to get better and it things straightened out. its like my life is now on HUGE blurr but stuck in slow motion. i dont understand anything anymore, i dont understand this messed up world. i dont understand why you left me behind. you were my world Marissa. so when you took your life, i was a no one. when i was at your veiwing is when it killed me that was the first time i felt your presents when i went up to you to say my “see you laters” it was terrible… they did play “you’re a jerk” and that made me laugh. but the side show to got me torn apart. then came the funeral. i didnt think i would be able to make it through Dillons and i told you that. so why Marissa? why would you think i would be able to make it through yours? especialy because i knew you longer you were closer to me. you wrecked my world and now i cant seem to get it back. when you left you took me to.. marissa save me a place in heaven right next to you. come visit me some time soon love.
with all my heart,
-Kayla<3
I love youu. I wish you were here for all the exciting things coming up….. 🙁 I finally have a B in Chemistry. I kno you would be proud :’D Miss you bestie<33
heyy Marissa,
remember when i told you i was in love with someone and how you were the first person i told. well it turns out it never works. for me nothing works out. so im done trying. i throught he was gonna be the one to save me finally but you still seem to be that person because no one else wants to. i love you marissa.
hey sis..
guess what? my therepist said the shock stage is wearing off. haha is that supposed to be a good thing? i dont think so. it hurts so much more now thats its “real”. i guess it has to be though. it breaks my freaking heart to know that your not with me, with us anymore. its harder but has become the new reality. fuckking sucky tho. it will never be the same. i juss wanna hugg you forever i miss you so much and i love you baby girl xoxo keep watching over me.
Marissa. i cant do this whole “life” thing anymore. its hard and i miss you and honestly id rather be with you. please help me have the strengnth i need. i love you marissa
Marissa, i know yesturday i let you down and everyone else but if you help me “try” i know i can make it. i just need your help. i miss you marissa everyday of my life. i love you with my heart. and i realized i will see your angel face again. you were in my dreams last night and it help the crying and screaming of the pain i am in. watch over me today marissa. i know when your there i feel you. i love you
-Kayla
hey this is for KAYLA…i know that i dont know you but you seem to be taking this really hard. and me being marissa’s step sister i know that she would want me to talk to you so if you ever need anything you can let me know okay i will do all i can or even if you just need to talk im here im always willing to listen. you can text me if you want 918-7235 im serious i mean ANYTHING at all my phone is always by my side.
Marissa. It seems like every day there is something that reminds me of you. I miss your smile; the times you’d wear high heels just for the hell of it; i miss your determination, mindset, and values; i miss your laughter, i can still hear it in my head right now; i miss your fashion show walk and how you just strut your stuff and started taking off layers of your clothes, made us all laugh; i miss your beauty, whether you were wearing a nice dress or sweats your beauty shined throughout the room; i miss talking to you about my boy problems, you actually showed an interest and helped me when i needed it; i miss your round off back hand springs, i remember precisely at Colony Oak when you used to do them in the grass and show off and i would be so jealous cause i could barely do a somer sault. And most of all, i miss YOU. i love you and can’t stand that you’re not here anymore. Okay so this is really funny, but one time in like 7th or 8th grade we were going to a dance and i needed socks so you let me borrow a pair of black socks and i still have them 🙂 sorry i didn’t return them. Ohhh how i miss you. I feel like it’s going to seem like forever until i get to see you again. I can’t wait. I love you Riss.
Hey Marissa. I just found some letters we used to write to each other and I laughed because you had a great personality. In the letters we talked about Borders and how obsessed we were with going there. And about the hot guy that used to work there. Even though we didn’t actually hang out after sophomore year, you were always so nice to me when I was by myself or you just wanted to say hi and tell me that you missed talking to me. It sucks knowing that you’re gone and I won’t ever see your smile or you come up to me to say hi anymore. I miss you and love you.
Its been rough lately..I really do miss you. Your missing out on soo much. Its hard knowing you were usually right by my side thro everything, and I now have nothing. Your mom, me, and a couple others are going to spread your ashes in haight & ashbery on Wednesday…I remember how everytime we’d go to SF youd always make me go with you there. It breaks my heart having to distrubute your ashes along were we used to go all the time. It shouldn’t have to be like this….i love you.
wow so it’s taken me a good almost 4 months to get on here and write to you. i guess reading all the comments people have left on here and knowing how others are hurting just as bad as i am, i guess it’s enough for me to pour my heart and soul out to you rightnow. we were never best friends but i enjoyed hanging out with you and all the girls, good times at parties and spending the night at your dad’s house with you and christal. to be honest, christal was the reason we ever became friends. remember the time me you nikki renae christal and i think tara were all at christal’s house and renae brought the ouija board and you were soo hyped to do it, and me christal and nikki were like uhh fuck that hahah. and you and renae went in the bathroom and played it haha. you were such a funny, beautiful, amazing person marissa. i was always so jealous of your tan skin and big lips hahah, and how you could pull off wearing heels…even at school. lol. seems like it was just yesterday me and christal were sitting in her “hoopty” outside of her house and you were telling us about hart hahaha, and asking me about how i got in that fight with alanna. lol. ive been thinking about you alot lately and sometimes i see you in the faces of other students at our school. it breaks my heart to think that you were so sad inside, it breaks my heart mostly because ive been there and i just wish you would have reached out to me. but whats done is done. it helps me to know that you’re up in heaven looking down to Earth and watching over all of us, and kowing you’re up there with God.. well i just know your in a better place because he is there to keep you safe. though it’s been almost 4 months since you left us all, i still havent processed the fact that you are gone.. or dillon. it’s such a sad and scary thing to think about, i just dont want it to be real. i can honestly say im still in shock. i was never friends with dillon, but still his death this past year hit me hard and then the day i got a call from christal, barely 2 months after dillon left us, and she told me you killed yourself, well i still remember everything about that day. i remember i was supposed to be at the city council meeting but i didnt go, and instead i was at my friend christina’s house in modesto. i remember dropping the phone and crying on christina’s mom’s shoulder. but it really took a good 2 months to breakdown and cry over your death marissa. my heart is so broken for you and your family and best friends. the night everyone caught word of your passing, i watched my bestfriend breakdown in a room full of people and myspace became full of “rip’s” and bulletin posts moarning your death. you’ve left behind alot of people who truely love and miss you, and i will forever regret everyday i didnt get to know more about you. we’re all missing you down here marissa. rest in paradise and please come visit me in my dreams soon, i miss your pretty face :]
-jackie
It’s weird how when someone says “forever”, you really think nothing of it. But when you’ve lost someone you deeply love, “forever” takes on an entirely new meaning. The meaning is no longer something happy; somethin that makes you think of spending “forever” with your loved ones. Because now “forever” means I will never see you again. When someone says the word or I think of it, I automattically think of you Marissa. Because you are now gone from my life forever. Without the air quotes because it’s not something I can pretend isn’t reality. Because it is the sad reality. That you are gone forever. And your not coming back. I think I’ve recently realized that you’re truely gone. Not like I didn’t know before. But I think now I’ve really accepted the hard truth. And I hate it. I miss you so much. I miss your laughter, and your beauty, and your always listening ear. No matter if I had to talk to you about my bad night, a stupid boy problem, or something with the family…you always sat and listened. And you didn’t just listen but you cared. I love that about you. That no, it’s not like we were the best of friends. But in the one class that we had together for two years everyday, you would sit and listen to whatever it was I had to say. I miss you. And I don’t want forever to keep going. I want forever to stop. I want to see you.
I personally do not know you Marissa, but I just wanted to say I respect you. You seem nothing less than amazing, and have become an inspiration in my heart. I would ask why, but instead I sit here and say I love you. You seem to have had a smile that lit up the whole sky, and your beauty is, literally, ever-lasting. Wherever you may be, keep smiling, for there are tons pushing each day just for you. Goodnight Sweetheart.
Well reading all of these messages have really made me think. I no we didnt really talk much but i do miss track. YOu and kaitlyn made it so fun for me and hanging out with you two was hella fun! Just thinking about screwing around during warm ups still makes me laugh. Havent been in track since freshmen year and still couldnt imagine what it would be like with out you there. My heart goes out to you and your family. Im sure you made heaven just a little bit brighter by being up there. R.I.P, love jared
Hiii Babygirrrl! Kamie and I are going to Mexciioo on Sunday morning. We are bringing your ashes with usss(: So glad youll be with us just like it should be. I love you virgin buddddyy!<3333
Hey marissa! well the other day i was in my kitchen and i remembered the most random thing. sophomore year i remember i was in line at the cafeteria and you and morgan came up to me and your like can you pleaseee get us our lunch i will give you money. mortensen is going to yell at us if we aren’t setting up for ticket sales! so i said yes and i got you and morgan your lunches and i was trying to carry 3 lunches and i dropped mine 🙁 everyone was laughing at me and i felt like an idiot, but i took you and morgan your lunch and im like here i have to go get mine i dropped it trying to carry all this, and you offered to by me lunch. but i told you it was ok. i miss seeing you around marissa. i know i wasnt very close with you, but i miss you a lot.i wish you didnt have to go, but i will see you someday.
love always Jesika
Fuuuuck I miss you soooooo much!!!! I hate that your really gone forever….. :'( You are now in Catalina and Mexico thanks to me and Kamiee…watch over me babbby! I love you<3333
heyy babygirll well hopee your having fun in catalina and mexicoo noww 🙂 wish you coulda been there with me and kait it woulda been greatt. still dont understand all seems unreall. love you baby girlll.
Happy Easter Marissa 🙂 love and miss you more than words can describe. forever is still continuing on without you. i wish you were here to talk to. i have so many new things i wish i could tell you. i know your keeping your watchful eye out on all of us. love you 🙂
Marissaaa, I miss you soo much. You come up in so many of my conversations, just talking aboutt some stupid shit we did together. I truly had no idea what a difference you not being here could make on me. I miss my best friend every fucking day, and I hate you for leaving me.. 🙁 I love you<3
i miss you period. i got into stan state where i wanted to go. it was so hard to even be excited because i think about how you should be here with me doing …going to college and prom and graduation. your missing so much that i wish you didnt have too. watchover me sis. i love you with everything i have.
I NEEEEED you. NOwwwwww….:( Prom is tmrw, and WTF your not even gonna be with me & kamie…you suck so much marissa :'( PLEASEEE watch over us…I LOVE YOU BEST FRIEND<333
Look at all the friends that will always remember what a great human being Marissa was. Most people go through their whole lives without building a lasting legacy and touching other people’s lives in such a positive way. This is what made Marissa special. Her friendship and generosity is a great example for everyone on how to truly get the most out of life. She accomplished so much in just 17 years. People will always remember you well and you will have a legacy primarily for positively touching their lives.
Marissa. high school is almost over and you are not here to finish off all the fun and exciting stuff with us! You are missing out on so much! prom, disneyland, graduation. eveything. i still am not sure why you had to do this marissa. but it hurt so many people. i miss seeing you around.everyone misses you so much. love ya marissa.
Love Jesika
hey babby girrl. i really wish you were here right now. you missed out on promm my bday is coming up wish you would be here with me. they announced validictorian today that was your spot and you knew that. i miss you so much its ridiclous and its so hard to stay strong. love you; visit me soon
You are so beyond gayyyyyyyyy. haha. really though. I wish you didn’t leave me 🙁 I miss your bitch assssss. I found hella old notes that you used to make me:) I really liked them. OH! And btw, I finally finished my final 10 page paper on youu. Ahaha. Well keep watching over me…exspecially tmrw..I love you<3
heyy babyy girl thanks for visiting me in my dreams last night 🙂 you should be here for my dinner tonight. its not gonna be the same without you. i love you soo much. visit me again. it would be a great birthday presentt :)) i miss you so muchh its crazyy
i cant stop crying its been building up…i dont let it come anymore. i want you here with me. why sissy? i need you so bad! i love you so much you have no idea. please please watch over me…
Its so different without you. Ive had dreams, where I wake up believeing you are alive. I can’t explain the saddness Ive felt when I come back to reality, and realized youre still gone…I miss our talks. I miss having that one person who would listen to what I had to say and give me feed back, even if you didn’t care what I was saying at all. I miss having one of my only trustworthy friends around….I can’t wait till we meet again.<3
Dang…
I miss you so much. It is still hard for me to believe that you’re gone. I think about you every single day. Sometimes I wish that there was a chance to bring you back. I’d do anything.
I love you.
<3
I miss you so much Marissa, you were such an amazing person. And I still don’t understand why you had to leave us :[
I think of you everyday, I love you babygirllll<3
BabyGirl,
i miss you dearly and haveing rhs exclude you from everything sucks. you had a huge impact on rhs. so why have they taken you out of everything, i love you so so much darling
I was driving the other day and i saw a street name called ‘McLeod’. Brought a tear.. I wish you could of really considered what you were going to do before you left..
So…Disneyland was yesterday/today…you missed out, ONCE AGAIN. Happy 18th Bestie….Wish we were going to dinner tonight like usual…Instead I’m going with your mom… I hope you realize how much youve affected everyone…Hope your happy.
your birthday just passed. happy late eighteenth. sorry i didnt come to write its just to hard..you should hve been here. you missed disneyland. it wasnt even fun but i knew you would have wantd me too go. and i had a 6 hour bus ride back to think bout you and how much i need you. i dont think you understand how much you meant to me. you are supposed to graduate friday..and me next friday. we were supposed to support and be at each others graduation. now i know you cant be there..well physically at least and it fucking sucks. i dont even want to think about th rest of life without you. so many memories pop into my head day after day and things seem to be getting worse.
girlie i cant believe that this week is finally here. i wish you were here to share the memories with all of us. these past few weeks i have been missing you real bad. ive needed your guidance and help so much. it almost feels like you were here when i made my final choice on my problem tho. you truly meant so much to my life. i wish i could thank you for how big an impact you had on all the things i was able to do this past year. you helped me become my own person and never let me become discouraged. i wish i could tell you all those things and more but i know deep down you will always be here in my heart. i love ya chica.
Soo…I turn 18 in a month from today, you wouldve been so hyped with mee to celebrate very soon. We’ve been signing yearbooks all week. I couldn’t help but reach for last years yearbook and read what you wrote to me. I was so happy to re-find out that you wrote two pages to me…(: We graduate tmrw, I cannot even go into how much I will be missing you. Watch over us allll, we need you now guurl. I love you forevaaaaa<3
Sunshine I couldn’t agree with you more! Its great how you can write and say you miss someone sooo much and not be involved in any oppurtunity honoring that person. Its sad when you need to make posts only to get just a little more attention.Its ok though the people who really loved her are the ones making sure she will always be remembered! Marissa never liked fake ass people anyway!!
Um sunshines biggest fan, just because people are not out making sure marissas closet goes well and out doing everything in honor of marissa does not mean they do not care about her or miss her. Her close close friends and family are the ones that seem to be involoved in that but her friends from school do miss her and it is actually rude on your part that you are going to call us fake and want attention. Everyone deals with things differently and maybe its to hard for some people to be constantly reminded of the hard pain they had to go through. So please keep your comments like that to yourself.
Im sorry you feel its rude for me to say that, but Im actually talking about members of her so called family that want nothing to do with anything in her honor. Its not her school friends who should be down there helping, yet most are every chance they get. I understand that everyone deals differently, but if you are going to get the honor of calling her your family you need to make sure that she is being honred!! If you dont like what I have to say then don’t read my post. Im entitled to write my feelings here just as everyone else is.
“Irratated”-You think its hard for you to carry on with your everyday life without Marissa…? Trying being her mother, or father. Or her best friend. Common dude….wtf has this website even turned into…Ohhh and Im one of Sunshine’s biggest fans myself… 😉
It’s great seeing all the comments here about how much Marissa meant to everyone. It really helps other people understand what a truly amazing person Marissa was, which is the reason why I created this site. So let’s just share our love & memories, and keep everything else to ourselves. Thanks.
I constantly have the weridest dreams about you. They seem so real…in every dream your ‘magically’ back to life, you have know idea how truly happy I am in my dreams. Happy your back in my life.
I would like to apologize to Marissa, T.C., and everyone that reads this blog for the lack of character and ignorance I showed previously. I was in the wrong for two reasons. First, this site was created to be a beautiful thing in Marissa’s memory and by writing like that I have showed more disrespect for her memory than the people I was talking to. Love you baby gurl <3 Sorry! Second, after receiving a text from one of Marissa’s family members today I realize how wrong I was about the situation. Since talking to them I have been enlitened to the fact that not all family members have been welcomed to participate despite their many attempts and desires. I was also informed of several circumstances that led up to Marissa’s death :_( that gave me a whole other understanding on why some family members wouldn’t take part in some events. Now- knowing that this is not the place to start gossip-I urge the others who have followed my lead to find out the facts for themselves before making the same mistake I did because things are definitely not what they appear, especially in this case. Thank you T.C. for bringing this to my attention, it couldn’t have been said any better. Marissa see you soon, we miss you soooooooooooooooo much!!!
This is Melinda, Marissa’s mom. I would like to thank everyone who has written all the beautiful things on this blog about my amazing daughter. Even though I can not bring myself to read them at this point. Her best friends keep me clued in about the blog. I would like to thank TC for creating a place where people can just express themselves. The only reason I am writing on this page is because it was brought to my attention that there was some bs going on so I just want to set the record straight. That is why I didn’t use a fake name. Every person who has asked to be part of the building of Marissa’s legacy as been allowed, I believe that is how some people are dealing with the loss. Other people can not be around it because it is to painful(just like RHS having to take down the Marissa’s Closet flyers because it was to hard for some students to see them). Everyone deals with grief in there own way. The only way I know how to deal with the loss of my daughter is to make her legacy as big as humanly possible. So, Sunshine I am sorry who ever miss informed you but on the website http://www.marissascloset.org you can find my email, phone number or store location and I will answer anything you need to know to help you. That goes for anyone who has questions or needs answers. Also, one other thing if you know circumstances that led up to my daughter’s death I would love to know them. Maybe they could help me understand because I DON’T…. My daughter was my life and still is. The reason I get out of bed everyday is to make sure people in this world know what an amazing angel she was. I was blessed to be here mother. Marissa I love you with all my heart and soul. I miss you every second of everyday. These last few weeks have been extremely hard but I try to take one day at a time. I am fortunate to have great family and friends for support. Kaitlyn and Kamie help me alot. Marissa I will see you soon…… Mom
Sis I know that was very hard for you to do but I am very proud of you for doing that. Yes it is painful and we all love and miss Marissa very much she has touched peolpe’s lives today and everyday she came into this world. So that we are thankful for everyday. The prom dress thing is goiing so great it’s amazing to be apart of a legacy she started so thank you Marissa for letting me and my family help others out there like you did. We miss and love you Marissa.Sis keep going strong you are doing an amazing job..
heyy riss 🙂 well i really wish you were here right now. i need someeone to take my mind off of everything thats going on. i jus wanna be with you right now. i love you and miss you everyday. visit me tonight please i really need it.
Marissa last week I was watching the notebook and at this one part in the movie rachel mcadams reminded me of you. I would look at her then at the in memory card of you and it was so weird because you looked JUST LIKE HER. it was so weird. but everyone misses you marissa. Watch over everyone.
Miss u marissa. I swear I saw this girl who looked slot like u today, I had to take another look. Just reminded me of how much I miss you and how I wish you were here celebrating summertime with all of us. Rest in peace girl
Marissa i know we didn’t hangout that much senior yr but the affect of talking to u just the week before still hurts me inside that i didn’t notice anything.
Sheesh! Ohk, at first I would like to say to Marissa, I love and miss you soooo much. You don’t know how much I looked up to you, seriously. Whenever we would have family functions and stuff, I would always want to hangout with you because I looked up to you, but I was shy so you might not have known that, but I hope you did before all of this happened. Ohk, so my “sheesh” goes out to the other people (sort of). Ohk so I am happy that TC made this blogging website so that all of us could express our sadness that Marissa is making us go through in our everyday lives. I’ve been to 97% of all the Marissa’s Closet stuff and I know pretty much everyone that comments on this stuff that puts their real name. I feel really bad for you guys just because you feel this way, but the part that makes me cry like crazy after I read this website is how some of you guys are treating Marissa. She didn’t know what the heck she was doing so DON’T BLAME IT ON HER. Some of you guys are making it sound like you are taking her death harder than some of her own family is taking it and that is totally not true. If some of you guys are taking her death the way yo say it on here, imagine how all of her real, related family is taking it . . . There is very limited family that is writing on this, it is mainly her friends and that is cool because its part of the process of the shock of her death because you guys are young, around 18 years old, but for the main 2-4 people that write on this website very constantly, and you know who you are, need to stop what some of you guys are saying, like, the language you use, first of all, and the message that you are sending out to other people!!!!!!! Calling Marissa “gay” for committing suicide is not going to look good to the people that came to this website from the Marissa’s Closet website. Ohk, I don’t know if you look at the Marissa’s Closet website or not but there is a link on that website to take you to this website so that other people can know how many lives were touched by Marissa. Cussing her out for doing this is not going to let Marissa’s Closet look good or professional. Some people just might that that “oh this place is a joke or something”. We don’t want people to think that or have their minds even cross that thought for one second. That is also a part of the reason why Melinda(Marissa’s Mom) made Marissa’s Closet. Not so just that her legacy could live on forever, but so that it could help with the healing process with her death. And you gotta think about this, if you could see Marissa one last time, would you cuss her out and call her those names to her face and really mean it? If I was doing that(which I never would) I would’t do that at all. It’s also a factor of respect that you got and I respect Marissa very much but we all have different levels of respect for her so that just depends on your individual personality and fellings. So, for all of Marissa’s friends, on and off of this website, that live in Ripon, HELP WITH MARISSA’S CLOSET. That, right there, is going to be the best therapy you can get for Marissa’s death. Nothing else is going to fix it for you. It’s hard for me to go to every Marissa’s Closet thing because I live in the Bay Area and for a lot of the functions I have gone to, there was pretty much family that I saw there, maybe 1-2 friends or supporters?! I hope I didn’t offend anybody by this post, that’s not what it was meant for. What is was meant for was so that it could help you.
And even if you are her best friend, I know you are dealing with this very hard because I know I would take this very hard if my best friend did that too. I couldn’t imagine if my best friend did that because we have known each other our whole lives. I am sorry if I offended you. My post was not to offend anyone at all whatsoever so please just take it as advice, not as criticism.
umm sorry but did you ever even hang out with her? obviously not becaused I danced with her and every other word out of her mouth was fuck and gay, she would never be offended by that-she fucking hated judgemental people, even if they were her family…and i thought this site was supposed to be about marissa, not marissas closet, dont they have their own site for that? and i here what you are saying about only her family helpin out but fyi i kicked it with marissa and anyone else that did should know exactly how she felt about her mom, so before you go pointing fingers at me and her other friends maybe you otta realize that marissa was real and that is how she would want us to be–next time you go writing on here hopefully you will keep it about marissa because thats what this is for
miss you bud buddy 😉 <3 <3 <3
To Katie:
I feel that your previous essay posting was directed towards my postings. I will say what I feel like saying whenever, even it may be calling Marissa gay, cus you know what? She is. You obviously can’t possibly understand what her BEST FRIENDS are going thro bc you think what i’m posting is a joke. your posting is offensive, and I don’t appreciate it.
addressing this somewhere else probably wouldve been a better fit, bc this sight is meant to REMEMBER Marissa solely,
I am very sorry. I can honestly say that I have no idea how you and hers’ best friends are going though this. I can not imagine loosing my best friend and I am sorry that you had to deal loosing your best friend. When I posted that this morning I was just frustrated and somethings I over did (while re-reading it). I didn’t mean to make it offensive because all of the people that were touched by Marissa shouldn’t be mad or fighting or whatever with each other or be angry but help each other through this difficult time. I hope you can accept my apology.
Thank you. Sorry I kind of made a bad first impression of my self on you but this is still just very sensative subject as it is for everyone else (obviously). I’ll probably see you soon at something Marissa’s Closet related. Thanks again. Hope you are doing well.
so lately ive been thinking about you a lot. i really miss you and wish you were here so that i could talk to you. i actually talked about you today for awhile it was nice. i love you girlie and im missing you like crazy down here.
I miss you.. :'(
Work still isn’t the same without you. Please vist me in my dreams tonight. Something? I need to see you…. I don’t care if it’s just a second.. Anything…
its so werid to think, you really are gone. its taken me this long to finally accept it, its truly been such a heartbreak continuing life without you….ily
I just wanted to tell you that I had a dream about you last night and you were still here with everyone, then I woke up, and I saw your funeral phamplet (or whatever that thing is called). I cried a little. I miss you! Watch over everyone okie? Love you.
Well Marissa. It has been a very very long 7 months since you’ve been gone. I come on here every once in a while and it is crazy how many people you really hurt by doing what you did. I am not going to pretend like you were my best friend and we were always together, because we weren’t. But I do know that you were a friend at school I could always talk to if I needed to. It bugs me when people come on here and pretend like they were your best friend when everyone knows they weren’t. I can say though, however, that what you did,did effect my life and i do miss you. Watch over us all and help those who need you the most. Love and miss youuu! Jesika [:
I never had the opportunity of getting to know you, i am a RHS 2006 graduate and i heard about your death through someone i know from RHS. I have read many articles about you and how amazing you truly were. Today i googled your name and so many articles came up and pictures of you too. It’s amazing how one person can touch so many lives. I think you were pretty amazing, and even though i never got a chance to meet you and sadly only heard about you after your death i often think about you. every time i hear a song called “if i die young” by the band perry i think about you, this is how it goes:
if i die young bury me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
ooh ooh ooh ooh
lord make me a rainbow i’ll shine down on my mother
shes knows i’m safe with you and she stands under my colors
oh and life aint always what you think it ought to be
no it aint even grey but she buries her baby
the sharp knife of a short life
well i’ve had just enough time
if i die young bury me satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
the sharp knife of a short life
well, i have just enough time
and i’ll be wearing white
when i come into your kingdom
i’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
well i’ve never known the lovin of man
but it sure felt nice when he was holdin my hand
there’s a boy here in town
who says he’ll love me forever
who would have thought forever could be severed
by a sharp knife of a short life
well i’ve had just enough time
so put on your best boys, and i’ll wear my pearls
what i never did is done
a penny for my thoughts oh no i’ll sell em for a dollar
theyre worth so much more after i’m a gonner
and maybe then you’ll hear the words that i’ve been singin’
it’s funny when your dead how people start listenin’
if i die young burry me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
ooh ooh the ballad of a dove
go with peace and love
gather up your tears and keep them in your pocket
save em for a time when your really gonna need em.
oh the sharp knife of a short life
well i’ve had just enough time
so put on your best boys, and i’ll wear my pearls…
well i thought i’d share this with you =) i hope your friends and family find the strength they need to keep going.
so were going camping tomorrow again jus like we did last year. the only thing is that you should be going with us this time. love you girlie. hopefully you will be with us this weekend.
heyy girlie me and my family went to modesto applebees today. its so weird being there with you not being there. love you girlieee and i miss you like crazyyyy!
marisssa.. your always on my mind and lately you have been there more and more every night i close my eyes. the other night i stayed home thinking about you and wishing you were still here. when i close my eyes i see your beautiful face alllll the time. i was looking at old pictures from like 8th grade and freshemn year annnd shiiit i misssss you! nothing is the same now with out you. i stilll feeel like this is all a mistake and its fake and that your stilll here.. buut your not:( i wisssh that alll my dreams could come trrue because alot of them your bitch assss is in them:))! ohhhh annnd by the waaay you owe me stilll;) onne daay when i seee you again we willl reunite annnd alll make you owe my asss. haha welll just wanted to stop by annnnd write a lil something. i love you girrrl misssin you each and everydaay. visit me soon:) iLOVEyou:)
Hey girlie(: its been awhile, just telling you hi and that i love you….i miss you so much its hard to not be able to talk to you anymore or even text you even tho we always talked about how much i hated the way you used to text..i miss it now. please watch over me while im at the air force academy, i could really use your strength…I LOVE YOU MARISSA!!!!
it is still hard for me to realize that you are really gone, after reading all the blogs i feel like my heart breaks all over again. your up there with my sister now and you are just like my sister i am sure you are watching down on us all. i wish i could of come around more been home more but when i was home i remember you and krysta and me playing dress up taking pictures acting crazy. we always had smiles on our face even though we were driving manda and bobbi crazy but they cracked up anyway. i miss you much feels like a lifetime already and this is harder for me then any one could ever understand… i dont know if i will ever be the same with out you and steph but i try. i try to put on a happy face and hide behind mine pain but days like today i just cant control it. i am not sure if i will ever be the same person that i used to be again. the kids miss you much wondering why your gone. A.j says she loves you so much and that you are another angel able to watch over our lives. i miss you ma more then words can explain. i cant even find the words my tears express my pain
Here I am again..three o’clock in the morning listening to the song they played at your funeral. 🙁
I miss you so much. I still can’t believe you’re gone…
The day that God decides to bring me into Heaven I will run straight to you and give you the biggest hug that I can give. I hope you are happier up in Heaven. Please continue to visit me. I love you…
Marissa,
Today it’s already been nine months exactly today. It’s crazy how fast time went by. I still miss you just as much as the night I found out what happened. I wish you could come back. I miss you!! Especially at work. I hope you are happy! That’s all I want. Continue to visit me in my dreams please, watch over me. Love and miss you.
so im sitting here trying to write a letter of introduction about myself and all i can think about myself is how much things changed when you left us. wish you were here to help me out. love you
Hey Marissa!
So I stared MJC a few weeks ago, and a girl in my english class knows you. We talk about you a lot! Anyways, we had to write and essay and I thought I would share it with you. I showed it to your mom and she enjoyed it. I hope you like it. <3
If there are any rude comments, please keep them to yourself. I just wanted to express my feelings in this essay and share it with everyone. <3
Lesson from an angel
There are many principles to live by in life. If I had to choose one that I thought was the most important to me it would be to be grateful for those around you, and to never take people for granted. You will never know when it will be their last day.
It was a cold December day and I had just gotten off of work. I kicked off my shoes and placed them beside my bedroom door as I headed for bed. The rest of my night consisted of late night studying and internet browsing. The next moment however, was a moment I would never forget. I was just about to call it quits for the night and lay down, when my dad walked in and had a look of concern on his face. He kept that expression and continued to stand in the doorway, motionless and mute. I sat there wondering what could be wrong, did I do something? I couldn’t take the feeling anymore and finally asked him what was wrong.
“Dad, what’s wrong? You seem upset?” He continued to stand there until I asked again with more concern. “Dad, answer me.”
“It’s about your friend from work.”
“Okay, well what’s wrong? Who is it?”
“Your friend Marissa, she shot herself…” As he said this he looked at me and began to watch the tears roll down my face. I sat there in silence and was in a state of shock. I had just talked to Marissa the previous day! How could this be true? Only one question was running through my mind, why.
Marissa was someone that everyone looked up to, everyone loved her. She was involved in cheerleading, started an amazing charity for those less fortunate, had a great sense of humor, was very giving, and worked hard for what she wanted. Marissa was even invited to Harvard for the summer for a school program. She was one of those people who automatically lit up a room when she walked in. From the moment I had met Marissa, I could tell something deep down inside of her something was wrong but I never had the courage to ask her until the day before her death.
I walked towards the host stand where Marissa was and propped myself up against the seat.
“Hey Marissa, how are you?” I smiled as I admired her beautiful smile back.
“What’s up Cass? I’m alright, how are you?” She said as she smiled at the customers walking out of the restaurant.
“I’m good. Listen, I’ve been wanting to ask you something for quite a while.” I looked down and hoped she would answer my question.
“Sure. Ask away.”
I stood there, frozen. It felt as if my lips were stuck together, I couldn’t pull them apart. I shook my head and blurted out what I had to ask. “You’re happy right? I mean I’ve looked at your profile online and read some of your poems and you seem, upset.” She looked at me for a minute or two and looked down, her eyes watered as she looked back up.
She looked at me with a look of hurt on her face. “Thanks for noticing that Cass, but really I’m okay. That was a long time ago.” I didn’t believe her. I shook my head and looked downwards, feeling stupid for asking such a question. Then, I noticed something, scars. I looked closer at her arms and saw a line of scars everywhere leading up to her inner elbow.
“Marissa, your arm, please tell me” She looked at me again, expressionless.
“It’s just a lot of things at home. Things aren’t right. I really would rather not talk about it.”
“Alright, well if you ever need to talk, I’m always here for you.”
“Thank you.” She smiled at me once more and I felt a small sense of relief. Unfortunately, this would be the last smile I would ever see from Marissa.
It has only been nine short months since Marissa’s unexpected death, but she still continues to wander my mind. There is not a day that goes by where I do not sit and cry wishing that I would have said more to her, telling her how much I look up to her. Hoping that there was something I could have said that would have made her think differently about herself. On some days I find myself angry, wondering how someone so beautiful, that had so much going for them commit an act so selfish. Suicide is one act that I will never fully understand, but as for now I will have to.
From that day on, I have learned to be grateful for the people that you are surrounded by. Never take them for granted and always listen to what they have to say; because you will never know the last time you will see them. This is one life principle I wish I would have learned earlier in life myself, not having to learn from a horrible experience like this. Marissa has taught me so much and I will continue to stay happy for her as she is up in Heaven while she continues to teach us this amazing life principle.
I can think back on so many times that Ive thought, “I really wish Marissa was here.” I wish you wouldve been smarter to know what the future held for you. I miss you sooooooooooo much. Its a slap in the face to finally realize, your not coming back. I love you
Marissa, the memories of you are keeping me up tonight. I can’t stop crying. I remember all the fun times we had. I remember at kincaid when we were drinking you were beastin the bottle and u let me get some but I was drinking it slow and u hella were like cmon quit baby sitting it. Ha Marissa you make me laugh. I remember the last time I was with you, it was at nick Curtis house, and you wanted to take a picture with me so we did. I had no idea that it would be my first and last picture with you, I cherish it, it’s on my myspace page. I miss your smile and crazyness, well I just was thinking of youand remembered about this site and thought I’d tell you that your keeping me up and that I’ll prob be late to school now :p
Marissa, ughh school is going terrible. im trying to stay positive but i cant. you go through my head the whole day! and then i deal with people talking bad about me and i cant go through this anymore! im done its too much. this year has been terrible entering my sophmore year i would have never guessed this would happen. when i meet you i knew we would be life long friends and we are but i throught my whole life to not just 431 days but im glad i got all those days to see you were such a beautiful person from the inside and out. im gonna miss you every second of my life. im trying to be strong with my family problems and you kno what they are. but i cant please help me try to be stron. i love you to peices marissa. i miss you babygirl. rest in peace. keep me strong.
i need you now. love you bbygirl
miss you sis. i think bout you constantly. i love you. keep me strong pleasee. i need you right now.
missa i love you and miss you!! 🙁
Leadership isnt the same without you.
you were someone i could always look up to where did you go?
i dont understand i am too young for this kind of thing. i really dont understand how something could have been that bad. you could have talked to me. you knew that! it was just yesterday when you were struting your stuff in the leadership fashion show. well we havent had one since you left us. i miss those fridays. everyone is down in the dumps no one has the same glow they did when you were here. you took something away from us when you left us. you took the happiness of our class. i miss you so much. make me happy again!!
Marissa, i need you more than anything babygirl.. how can i go on when its hurting me deep inside? i need you back. im crying my eyes out baby girl. im parents arent doing good and i need someone to talk to and to give me info. i dont have that person anymore. people always tell me things get better over time but how can they when your gone? i cant even do the one thing you always wanted me to do and thats smiling. its so hard accepting the fact your gone. im still shocked and sad. i mean you watch me at school you know im different. when you passed away you took me to. please give me the strenght i need babygirl. i love you Marissa. i miss you
Marissa, what do i do when im dieing inside and the only one who can save me is you?
Marissa well if you were here right now you would be superr excited to knoww what has happened at my workk 🙂 you probablyy saww yesterday; all i could do was think about you girlie and how much you wanted to meet them lol. well i love you and think about you everydayy hope your having fun up there. miss you
Marissa…..
ahhhh, life sucks without youu! I miss US, ily bestie
seems worse lately..i miss you like crazy! give me the strength for this weekend please this is gunna be hard without you..but were all doing it for you. i love you soo much and i need you i dont know how many times i can say that buti really mean it. wish you were here with u today..well i mean everyday but i especially need you today
Hey Marissa:)
I’ve taken the time to read all of the entries in this website. Some made me laugh, and then some made me have that knot in your throat that tells you that you are going to cry. Yes, I cried. I miss you Marissa. and love you. today there was a rally and all the cheerleader were doing the dance moves. and i realized that you weren’t there. Only if you were then the whole routine wouldve been perfect. The only mess up in that dance was that you werent there. I know that there are hecka people missing you and i’m one of them. And I know that you are watching over every single one of us. One day, we will see each other again. And I’m going to give you a huge hug. And from there, we’ll see each other forever and eternity. I won’t have to worry about losing you again. That day will come. and I seriously can’t wait. Well. I love you and miss you. I always will “)
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO(infiniti)
Luis Vazquez
Hey marissa. well its been a very strange few months. i think about you often and miss you every day. whenever we sing a song in spanish it always reminds me of that day we sang the song about rain and you were singing it so loud behind me and i kept laughing at you. well you should have been there at school today with the cheerleaders dancing for us. it would have made it better. i miss you marissa.
love always Jesika
3months today…
🙁
wow 3 months today. Marissa, honestly i cant do it anymore going to school and pretending to be fine when im not. and the rally the dance team preformed and i would have killed to see you out there living it up. but your not. its been three long months and i cant seem to find my happiness goes to show you it was with you. i need you back baby girl. i love you Marissa. save a place for me.
woww so i absolutely hate feeling this way. like honestly girl what were you thinking leaving us here like this. i cant even be at school cuz everything is just making me think of you and i start crying… this has been the longest three months of my life. i want you back so badd. it feels like over time its just getting worsee. everyone is doing a lot to help your memory stay on. the dress thing you started is going great. im getting a b in ap gov i think your helping me out a little bit cuz i honestly have no clue how im doing it. i miss you so much and just want you back. remember that time you told me something at taco bell and i got mad? yahh i would do the same exact thing if i saw you right now cuz im so mad at you girll. but i still love you at the same time and cant wait till i get to see you again. miss you with all of my hearttt.
Baby Girl, wow 3 months today.. it suckss school is so lonesome now that your gone. almond blossom went ok but Marissas closet was GREAT. got tons of dresses. i dontated 10. i got an air brush shirt there thats red and black and says “in loving memory of Marissa McLeod.” on the back of it. Marissa i miss you so much everyday. i have been holding back me tears today and im finally letting them out right now. im in so much pain since you have left me. and im now getting to that mad stage. like im mad at you for leaving me behind but im pissed at myself for feeling mad towards you. i know i shouldnt be but now im more hurt. i know my words and tears can not bring you back. i wish i could just co back and change your mind. i cant seem to get better. i remember the last time i talked to you was about cheer. and then a couple days later you were gone! i dont want to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go. but honey im doing it. its hard getting up and getting dressed every morning for school. theres no reason to. i miss you baby girl. i love you so much Marissa. save a place for me.
-Kayla
Well, it’s been three months. I was in a really depressed mood today, and I couldn’t figure out why. Then I realized the date. And I remembered that today makes three months that we have all been living in this world without you. I miss you so much baby girl, so much. I thought a lot about you this weekend…almond blossom. I went and visited Marissa’s Closet, it had such an amazing turn out! I’m so proud of you for starting something that amazing. Just goes to show what an awesome person you were, you had such a big heart. I miss talking to you about all my boy problems in leadership, I miss having you there to comfort and tell me all your advice; you had some good knowledge 😉 Those hilarious fashion shows where you used to rule the floor…yeah we haven’t had one of those since you left us. It’s just not the same. I miss your bright red lipstick, and the way we could all hear you coming from around the corner thanks to your high heels! But most of all I miss the way you used to make everyone smile. The way you always knew what to say, and everything was better with you here. I miss you girl, I can’t wait to see you again someday…I love you Marissa.
3 months sissy..will i ever find happiness without you here? its so hard. almond blossom was this weekend and marissa’s closet went amazing. these moths have been the longest ones of my life…you made my life so much easier always telling me to stay strong. i hear your voice in my head all the time telling me that. you knew me better than anyone in this world. i couldnt figure out why i got up this morning and then jus asked to go back to bed. then i relaized the date and it hit me, thats why i didnt wanna get up. 3 fucking months..and a long hard time too go. you changed my life sissy and i miss you so much. i love you marissa. keep watching over me..its getting worse.
marissa its been 3 long months since ive seen your beautiful face. i miss you girl. the parties havent been the same! you were always the life of the party:) and no one will ever fill your place. well i love you and miss you so much. i feel as if theres a hole in my heart and it feels as if it get worse each and every day. i love you girl.
heyy babygirll guess what? me and kaitlyn got accepted to sac statee 🙂 you probably already knoww but just needed to share it with youu. now can you just have sonoma hurry up and tell me pleasee. love youuu
Hello everyone, I know it’s been a hard 3 months and we are all dealing with things in our own way. Just please remember Marissa is watching over all of you and making sure you all are doing ok. I am in search of a blanket that Marissa had. Her mother would really love to find it cause it’s a blanket that her and Marissa shared and she would love to have that memory in her room. It was her Zebra print on one side and red on the other tie balnket. If anyone has it or knows where it is can you please help us out. It would mean the world to her mother to have it back. Thank you for your help.
Miss you forever Marissa!! Love you with all we have!
I realllyyyyyyyyy wish you were here! Ahh you’ve missed SO much. I’m starting to think of tattoo ideas to get something in memory of you 🙂 I miss you a lot,!! I love you:)
hey marissa. im getting a tattoo for you its pretty neat i drew it. today has been flipping terrible! my parents keep putting me down. man i wish you were here so i can feel better. i miss you dwn her baby girl. i love you
Hey Marissa, I know I really didn’t get to know you while you were alive but I really miss you right now. I miss your beautiful brown eyes && your sparkeling personality. I miss seeing you on campus and performing with the cheerleaders, I know your dead and all, but too many of us still feel that you should be alive, living up life with us. I remember that day in Spanish when you explained that game where you have to cover your eyes with your hands and if someone does this you get out & I really didn’t understand how to play the game when you were done explianing, but I understood that it was something that you and your friends had created together and that it was special. And the day that I’ll remember for the rest of my life; the day you took me home from school. It was the first day of school, and I had already hated it. You took me home when you knew I was in need of help and I can’t thank you enough for that. My step sister just left me there and since I was in the office trying to call her or find my own way home, you helped me. It was probably one of the best days of my life, I didn’t care how much my step sister yelled at me for getting into your car that day, I just cared that a complete stranger, at the begining of it all, could become someone that cared about me even if it was just for a few moments. And right now, it feels as if no one cares. I made the smallest mistake, & I’m being punished as if I had commited the worst sin in the world. You saw what happened, I felt you in the office with me, there was a strange presence, and I’m pretty sure that it was you. I knew the tension rising in me was going to get me somewhere where I didn’t need to be, but I didn’t care. I just kept thinking about you and how you could have done it differently. I think I’m starting to understand why you set yourself free, you just couldn’t get away from it all. I feel that a lot, and sometimes I just want to set myself free, but I know if I do, that no good will come of it. I’ve began to start thinking that things only have downsides. There are no upsides, everything comes down when you throw it up, so why do we throw it up? Probably becuase at least for a moment, its fun. Well I don’t know what else to say, but I miss you and I hope you’re taking care of everyone, because everyone who you have needed, now need you. I miss you, ILY.
i hate carrying on without you 🙁 nothing is the same.
Hey Marissa, man my life is SO different without you, no one to catch me when i fall, no one to dry my tears. im SO sensitive now. when i cry now i dnt just cry over one reason i cry over every thing. i have faith i will meet you again when ever that time comes. but my life in my obligation i have o stay here even if some/most days id rather be with you. i know the way you were somewhat thinking and it scares me. life is a hell whole and why do us humans put ourselfs through when eternial happiness is among us? idk that awnser remains with you. but i cant thrown in the towel yet. everyday i miss you. and everyday people talk about you. i love you with all my heart marissa. but im so mad at you(realize when i say im mad its just and emotion, but when i say i love you is a lifelong feeling i have in my heart that takes away the anger) i cant believe you just walked out on my life. you saw how upset i was about dillon and we stayed on the phone that WHOLE night you wouldnt hang up til i was done crying and you made things easy to get through. and i actually thought i was gonna be ok. so why did you put me back through this but WORSE? when you left you wrecked my whole world.. i dont know how to get it back. when im having a problem and i just leave it alone i feel you slipping away from me. but when i face it i peel you surrounding me like your forcing me to face my fears. Marissa guess what i realized. i was scared to let you go because i didnt want to stop loveing you. but i realized i can love more than one person. you will always be in my heart but so will my family and myself now. i never want to lose you. so stay with me. please dont forget me. marissa i love you. and i cant wait for that day im with you again.
with all my heart..
kayla
Mariiiisssssssaaa! i miss you! Life has just been crazy lately. When i got in that accident you were one of the first people i wanted to tell. 🙁 it made me miss how i would always tell you my stories in english. We miss you down here baby girl. Graduation in going to be here so soon and i wish you were going to be there right along with us. Love you giirrrl
Marissa, what am i doing wrong? what do i do rightt? i dont want to be here anymore.. all my life is now is pain!!
good night marissa give me thr strenght to deal with tomorrow
good morning Marissa,
wow last night was terrible. why do i always seem to get hurt. then when i do i cry. then when i cry i think of you and how much i NEED you here. Marissa i miss you, i miss your advice, i dont know how to get better and it things straightened out. its like my life is now on HUGE blurr but stuck in slow motion. i dont understand anything anymore, i dont understand this messed up world. i dont understand why you left me behind. you were my world Marissa. so when you took your life, i was a no one. when i was at your veiwing is when it killed me that was the first time i felt your presents when i went up to you to say my “see you laters” it was terrible… they did play “you’re a jerk” and that made me laugh. but the side show to got me torn apart. then came the funeral. i didnt think i would be able to make it through Dillons and i told you that. so why Marissa? why would you think i would be able to make it through yours? especialy because i knew you longer you were closer to me. you wrecked my world and now i cant seem to get it back. when you left you took me to.. marissa save me a place in heaven right next to you. come visit me some time soon love.
with all my heart,
-Kayla<3
I love youu. I wish you were here for all the exciting things coming up….. 🙁 I finally have a B in Chemistry. I kno you would be proud :’D Miss you bestie<33
heyy Marissa,
remember when i told you i was in love with someone and how you were the first person i told. well it turns out it never works. for me nothing works out. so im done trying. i throught he was gonna be the one to save me finally but you still seem to be that person because no one else wants to. i love you marissa.
hey sis..
guess what? my therepist said the shock stage is wearing off. haha is that supposed to be a good thing? i dont think so. it hurts so much more now thats its “real”. i guess it has to be though. it breaks my freaking heart to know that your not with me, with us anymore. its harder but has become the new reality. fuckking sucky tho. it will never be the same. i juss wanna hugg you forever i miss you so much and i love you baby girl xoxo keep watching over me.
wish you were here..havent felt like doing anything these past few days. hard to even get outta bed. fuckk
i love you )’:
Marissa. i cant do this whole “life” thing anymore. its hard and i miss you and honestly id rather be with you. please help me have the strengnth i need. i love you marissa
Marissa, i know yesturday i let you down and everyone else but if you help me “try” i know i can make it. i just need your help. i miss you marissa everyday of my life. i love you with my heart. and i realized i will see your angel face again. you were in my dreams last night and it help the crying and screaming of the pain i am in. watch over me today marissa. i know when your there i feel you. i love you
-Kayla
Who is Kayla Burlani?…..I mean COMMON.
COME ON*
hey this is for KAYLA…i know that i dont know you but you seem to be taking this really hard. and me being marissa’s step sister i know that she would want me to talk to you so if you ever need anything you can let me know okay i will do all i can or even if you just need to talk im here im always willing to listen. you can text me if you want 918-7235 im serious i mean ANYTHING at all my phone is always by my side.
Marissa. It seems like every day there is something that reminds me of you. I miss your smile; the times you’d wear high heels just for the hell of it; i miss your determination, mindset, and values; i miss your laughter, i can still hear it in my head right now; i miss your fashion show walk and how you just strut your stuff and started taking off layers of your clothes, made us all laugh; i miss your beauty, whether you were wearing a nice dress or sweats your beauty shined throughout the room; i miss talking to you about my boy problems, you actually showed an interest and helped me when i needed it; i miss your round off back hand springs, i remember precisely at Colony Oak when you used to do them in the grass and show off and i would be so jealous cause i could barely do a somer sault. And most of all, i miss YOU. i love you and can’t stand that you’re not here anymore. Okay so this is really funny, but one time in like 7th or 8th grade we were going to a dance and i needed socks so you let me borrow a pair of black socks and i still have them 🙂 sorry i didn’t return them. Ohhh how i miss you. I feel like it’s going to seem like forever until i get to see you again. I can’t wait. I love you Riss.
Hey Marissa. I just found some letters we used to write to each other and I laughed because you had a great personality. In the letters we talked about Borders and how obsessed we were with going there. And about the hot guy that used to work there. Even though we didn’t actually hang out after sophomore year, you were always so nice to me when I was by myself or you just wanted to say hi and tell me that you missed talking to me. It sucks knowing that you’re gone and I won’t ever see your smile or you come up to me to say hi anymore. I miss you and love you.
Its been rough lately..I really do miss you. Your missing out on soo much. Its hard knowing you were usually right by my side thro everything, and I now have nothing. Your mom, me, and a couple others are going to spread your ashes in haight & ashbery on Wednesday…I remember how everytime we’d go to SF youd always make me go with you there. It breaks my heart having to distrubute your ashes along were we used to go all the time. It shouldn’t have to be like this….i love you.
wow so it’s taken me a good almost 4 months to get on here and write to you. i guess reading all the comments people have left on here and knowing how others are hurting just as bad as i am, i guess it’s enough for me to pour my heart and soul out to you rightnow. we were never best friends but i enjoyed hanging out with you and all the girls, good times at parties and spending the night at your dad’s house with you and christal. to be honest, christal was the reason we ever became friends. remember the time me you nikki renae christal and i think tara were all at christal’s house and renae brought the ouija board and you were soo hyped to do it, and me christal and nikki were like uhh fuck that hahah. and you and renae went in the bathroom and played it haha. you were such a funny, beautiful, amazing person marissa. i was always so jealous of your tan skin and big lips hahah, and how you could pull off wearing heels…even at school. lol. seems like it was just yesterday me and christal were sitting in her “hoopty” outside of her house and you were telling us about hart hahaha, and asking me about how i got in that fight with alanna. lol. ive been thinking about you alot lately and sometimes i see you in the faces of other students at our school. it breaks my heart to think that you were so sad inside, it breaks my heart mostly because ive been there and i just wish you would have reached out to me. but whats done is done. it helps me to know that you’re up in heaven looking down to Earth and watching over all of us, and kowing you’re up there with God.. well i just know your in a better place because he is there to keep you safe. though it’s been almost 4 months since you left us all, i still havent processed the fact that you are gone.. or dillon. it’s such a sad and scary thing to think about, i just dont want it to be real. i can honestly say im still in shock. i was never friends with dillon, but still his death this past year hit me hard and then the day i got a call from christal, barely 2 months after dillon left us, and she told me you killed yourself, well i still remember everything about that day. i remember i was supposed to be at the city council meeting but i didnt go, and instead i was at my friend christina’s house in modesto. i remember dropping the phone and crying on christina’s mom’s shoulder. but it really took a good 2 months to breakdown and cry over your death marissa. my heart is so broken for you and your family and best friends. the night everyone caught word of your passing, i watched my bestfriend breakdown in a room full of people and myspace became full of “rip’s” and bulletin posts moarning your death. you’ve left behind alot of people who truely love and miss you, and i will forever regret everyday i didnt get to know more about you. we’re all missing you down here marissa. rest in paradise and please come visit me in my dreams soon, i miss your pretty face :]
-jackie
I misss you sooooooo much!!
It’s weird how when someone says “forever”, you really think nothing of it. But when you’ve lost someone you deeply love, “forever” takes on an entirely new meaning. The meaning is no longer something happy; somethin that makes you think of spending “forever” with your loved ones. Because now “forever” means I will never see you again. When someone says the word or I think of it, I automattically think of you Marissa. Because you are now gone from my life forever. Without the air quotes because it’s not something I can pretend isn’t reality. Because it is the sad reality. That you are gone forever. And your not coming back. I think I’ve recently realized that you’re truely gone. Not like I didn’t know before. But I think now I’ve really accepted the hard truth. And I hate it. I miss you so much. I miss your laughter, and your beauty, and your always listening ear. No matter if I had to talk to you about my bad night, a stupid boy problem, or something with the family…you always sat and listened. And you didn’t just listen but you cared. I love that about you. That no, it’s not like we were the best of friends. But in the one class that we had together for two years everyday, you would sit and listen to whatever it was I had to say. I miss you. And I don’t want forever to keep going. I want forever to stop. I want to see you.
I personally do not know you Marissa, but I just wanted to say I respect you. You seem nothing less than amazing, and have become an inspiration in my heart. I would ask why, but instead I sit here and say I love you. You seem to have had a smile that lit up the whole sky, and your beauty is, literally, ever-lasting. Wherever you may be, keep smiling, for there are tons pushing each day just for you. Goodnight Sweetheart.
Well reading all of these messages have really made me think. I no we didnt really talk much but i do miss track. YOu and kaitlyn made it so fun for me and hanging out with you two was hella fun! Just thinking about screwing around during warm ups still makes me laugh. Havent been in track since freshmen year and still couldnt imagine what it would be like with out you there. My heart goes out to you and your family. Im sure you made heaven just a little bit brighter by being up there. R.I.P, love jared
Hiii Babygirrrl! Kamie and I are going to Mexciioo on Sunday morning. We are bringing your ashes with usss(: So glad youll be with us just like it should be. I love you virgin buddddyy!<3333
Hey marissa! well the other day i was in my kitchen and i remembered the most random thing. sophomore year i remember i was in line at the cafeteria and you and morgan came up to me and your like can you pleaseee get us our lunch i will give you money. mortensen is going to yell at us if we aren’t setting up for ticket sales! so i said yes and i got you and morgan your lunches and i was trying to carry 3 lunches and i dropped mine 🙁 everyone was laughing at me and i felt like an idiot, but i took you and morgan your lunch and im like here i have to go get mine i dropped it trying to carry all this, and you offered to by me lunch. but i told you it was ok. i miss seeing you around marissa. i know i wasnt very close with you, but i miss you a lot.i wish you didnt have to go, but i will see you someday.
love always Jesika
Fuuuuck I miss you soooooo much!!!! I hate that your really gone forever….. :'( You are now in Catalina and Mexico thanks to me and Kamiee…watch over me babbby! I love you<3333
heyy babygirll well hopee your having fun in catalina and mexicoo noww 🙂 wish you coulda been there with me and kait it woulda been greatt. still dont understand all seems unreall. love you baby girlll.
Happy Easter Marissa 🙂 love and miss you more than words can describe. forever is still continuing on without you. i wish you were here to talk to. i have so many new things i wish i could tell you. i know your keeping your watchful eye out on all of us. love you 🙂
wishing you were here, could really use your help…love you forever
Keep watching over us Marissa. We miss you!
Hi love.
I just wanted to stop by and say how much I love and miss you.
Keep watching over us.
Love you.
Marissaaa, I miss you soo much. You come up in so many of my conversations, just talking aboutt some stupid shit we did together. I truly had no idea what a difference you not being here could make on me. I miss my best friend every fucking day, and I hate you for leaving me.. 🙁 I love you<3
i miss you period. i got into stan state where i wanted to go. it was so hard to even be excited because i think about how you should be here with me doing …going to college and prom and graduation. your missing so much that i wish you didnt have too. watchover me sis. i love you with everything i have.
I really wishh you were here rightt noww. I love youu
I NEEEEED you. NOwwwwww….:( Prom is tmrw, and WTF your not even gonna be with me & kamie…you suck so much marissa :'( PLEASEEE watch over us…I LOVE YOU BEST FRIEND<333
Look at all the friends that will always remember what a great human being Marissa was. Most people go through their whole lives without building a lasting legacy and touching other people’s lives in such a positive way. This is what made Marissa special. Her friendship and generosity is a great example for everyone on how to truly get the most out of life. She accomplished so much in just 17 years. People will always remember you well and you will have a legacy primarily for positively touching their lives.
Soo…you missed out last night..
Marissa. high school is almost over and you are not here to finish off all the fun and exciting stuff with us! You are missing out on so much! prom, disneyland, graduation. eveything. i still am not sure why you had to do this marissa. but it hurt so many people. i miss seeing you around.everyone misses you so much. love ya marissa.
Love Jesika
hey babby girrl. i really wish you were here right now. you missed out on promm my bday is coming up wish you would be here with me. they announced validictorian today that was your spot and you knew that. i miss you so much its ridiclous and its so hard to stay strong. love you; visit me soon
i miss you a lott
You are so beyond gayyyyyyyyy. haha. really though. I wish you didn’t leave me 🙁 I miss your bitch assssss. I found hella old notes that you used to make me:) I really liked them. OH! And btw, I finally finished my final 10 page paper on youu. Ahaha. Well keep watching over me…exspecially tmrw..I love you<3
I miss youuu.
I’ll never stop loving you, I’ll never stop missing you. Last night was all for you !
I hope you enjoyed everything las night. Love you
heyy babyy girl thanks for visiting me in my dreams last night 🙂 you should be here for my dinner tonight. its not gonna be the same without you. i love you soo much. visit me again. it would be a great birthday presentt :)) i miss you so muchh its crazyy
marissa. i need you…
i cant stop crying its been building up…i dont let it come anymore. i want you here with me. why sissy? i need you so bad! i love you so much you have no idea. please please watch over me…
I had the WERIEST dream last night wif you in itt..Hmm. I miss you.
hey beautiful :] we miss youuuu mucho <3
Its so different without you. Ive had dreams, where I wake up believeing you are alive. I can’t explain the saddness Ive felt when I come back to reality, and realized youre still gone…I miss our talks. I miss having that one person who would listen to what I had to say and give me feed back, even if you didn’t care what I was saying at all. I miss having one of my only trustworthy friends around….I can’t wait till we meet again.<3
Dang…
I miss you so much. It is still hard for me to believe that you’re gone. I think about you every single day. Sometimes I wish that there was a chance to bring you back. I’d do anything.
I love you.
<3
I miss you so much Marissa, you were such an amazing person. And I still don’t understand why you had to leave us :[
I think of you everyday, I love you babygirllll<3
BabyGirl,
i miss you dearly and haveing rhs exclude you from everything sucks. you had a huge impact on rhs. so why have they taken you out of everything, i love you so so much darling
I love you hoeskiii, and miss you errydayy!
Love youu :)) your birthdayy is on fridayy !!
i miss you. have lots of stuff to tell you.
I hate you for leaving me….):
I was driving the other day and i saw a street name called ‘McLeod’. Brought a tear.. I wish you could of really considered what you were going to do before you left..
Marissa i miss you soo much! your birthday is 2 days away! its crazy that you not here. i love you so much babygirllll!
Marissa, I never really knew you but have heard so much about you and you seem like you were a great person.. Rest in peace!
It is so sad what happened. You are in a better place now and I hope you are happier there. RIP
Happy Birthday Marissa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We miss you!!!!!!!!!!
hey birthday girl 🙂
just stopping by to say hii, and to say we miss youu.
love youuu!
-Kevin Ton
Happy Birthday Marissa!
Love and miss you girl!
Can’t wait to see you again.
Love, Tyler.
Happy 18th Birthday!!! we miss you sooooooooooooooooooooooo much and love you!
So…Disneyland was yesterday/today…you missed out, ONCE AGAIN. Happy 18th Bestie….Wish we were going to dinner tonight like usual…Instead I’m going with your mom… I hope you realize how much youve affected everyone…Hope your happy.
happy birthday marissa. miss you : /
happy birthday marissa. i love you girl. wish you were here to celebrate your 18th birthday. miss you.
Happy birthday riss (: missed out on so much more at disneyland. and graduations on friday. marissa. ):
your birthday just passed. happy late eighteenth. sorry i didnt come to write its just to hard..you should hve been here. you missed disneyland. it wasnt even fun but i knew you would have wantd me too go. and i had a 6 hour bus ride back to think bout you and how much i need you. i dont think you understand how much you meant to me. you are supposed to graduate friday..and me next friday. we were supposed to support and be at each others graduation. now i know you cant be there..well physically at least and it fucking sucks. i dont even want to think about th rest of life without you. so many memories pop into my head day after day and things seem to be getting worse.
girlie i cant believe that this week is finally here. i wish you were here to share the memories with all of us. these past few weeks i have been missing you real bad. ive needed your guidance and help so much. it almost feels like you were here when i made my final choice on my problem tho. you truly meant so much to my life. i wish i could thank you for how big an impact you had on all the things i was able to do this past year. you helped me become my own person and never let me become discouraged. i wish i could tell you all those things and more but i know deep down you will always be here in my heart. i love ya chica.
you should be here during all of this marissa. i miss you
Soo…I turn 18 in a month from today, you wouldve been so hyped with mee to celebrate very soon. We’ve been signing yearbooks all week. I couldn’t help but reach for last years yearbook and read what you wrote to me. I was so happy to re-find out that you wrote two pages to me…(: We graduate tmrw, I cannot even go into how much I will be missing you. Watch over us allll, we need you now guurl. I love you forevaaaaa<3
Summer isn’t the same without you.
well its been 6 months. you should have been here with us graduating and stuff. i love you girlie and miss you soooo much.
Sunshine I couldn’t agree with you more! Its great how you can write and say you miss someone sooo much and not be involved in any oppurtunity honoring that person. Its sad when you need to make posts only to get just a little more attention.Its ok though the people who really loved her are the ones making sure she will always be remembered! Marissa never liked fake ass people anyway!!
Um sunshines biggest fan, just because people are not out making sure marissas closet goes well and out doing everything in honor of marissa does not mean they do not care about her or miss her. Her close close friends and family are the ones that seem to be involoved in that but her friends from school do miss her and it is actually rude on your part that you are going to call us fake and want attention. Everyone deals with things differently and maybe its to hard for some people to be constantly reminded of the hard pain they had to go through. So please keep your comments like that to yourself.
Im sorry you feel its rude for me to say that, but Im actually talking about members of her so called family that want nothing to do with anything in her honor. Its not her school friends who should be down there helping, yet most are every chance they get. I understand that everyone deals differently, but if you are going to get the honor of calling her your family you need to make sure that she is being honred!! If you dont like what I have to say then don’t read my post. Im entitled to write my feelings here just as everyone else is.
Marissa!
I miss ya!
“Irratated”-You think its hard for you to carry on with your everyday life without Marissa…? Trying being her mother, or father. Or her best friend. Common dude….wtf has this website even turned into…Ohhh and Im one of Sunshine’s biggest fans myself… 😉
It’s great seeing all the comments here about how much Marissa meant to everyone. It really helps other people understand what a truly amazing person Marissa was, which is the reason why I created this site. So let’s just share our love & memories, and keep everything else to ourselves. Thanks.
I miss you soo much… 🙁
i wish u were here right now to help me and to take my mind off of everything. i love u girlie visit me plzzzzz
I constantly have the weridest dreams about you. They seem so real…in every dream your ‘magically’ back to life, you have know idea how truly happy I am in my dreams. Happy your back in my life.
I would like to apologize to Marissa, T.C., and everyone that reads this blog for the lack of character and ignorance I showed previously. I was in the wrong for two reasons. First, this site was created to be a beautiful thing in Marissa’s memory and by writing like that I have showed more disrespect for her memory than the people I was talking to. Love you baby gurl <3 Sorry! Second, after receiving a text from one of Marissa’s family members today I realize how wrong I was about the situation. Since talking to them I have been enlitened to the fact that not all family members have been welcomed to participate despite their many attempts and desires. I was also informed of several circumstances that led up to Marissa’s death :_( that gave me a whole other understanding on why some family members wouldn’t take part in some events. Now- knowing that this is not the place to start gossip-I urge the others who have followed my lead to find out the facts for themselves before making the same mistake I did because things are definitely not what they appear, especially in this case. Thank you T.C. for bringing this to my attention, it couldn’t have been said any better. Marissa see you soon, we miss you soooooooooooooooo much!!!
This is Melinda, Marissa’s mom. I would like to thank everyone who has written all the beautiful things on this blog about my amazing daughter. Even though I can not bring myself to read them at this point. Her best friends keep me clued in about the blog. I would like to thank TC for creating a place where people can just express themselves. The only reason I am writing on this page is because it was brought to my attention that there was some bs going on so I just want to set the record straight. That is why I didn’t use a fake name. Every person who has asked to be part of the building of Marissa’s legacy as been allowed, I believe that is how some people are dealing with the loss. Other people can not be around it because it is to painful(just like RHS having to take down the Marissa’s Closet flyers because it was to hard for some students to see them). Everyone deals with grief in there own way. The only way I know how to deal with the loss of my daughter is to make her legacy as big as humanly possible. So, Sunshine I am sorry who ever miss informed you but on the website http://www.marissascloset.org you can find my email, phone number or store location and I will answer anything you need to know to help you. That goes for anyone who has questions or needs answers. Also, one other thing if you know circumstances that led up to my daughter’s death I would love to know them. Maybe they could help me understand because I DON’T…. My daughter was my life and still is. The reason I get out of bed everyday is to make sure people in this world know what an amazing angel she was. I was blessed to be here mother. Marissa I love you with all my heart and soul. I miss you every second of everyday. These last few weeks have been extremely hard but I try to take one day at a time. I am fortunate to have great family and friends for support. Kaitlyn and Kamie help me alot. Marissa I will see you soon…… Mom
Sis I know that was very hard for you to do but I am very proud of you for doing that. Yes it is painful and we all love and miss Marissa very much she has touched peolpe’s lives today and everyday she came into this world. So that we are thankful for everyday. The prom dress thing is goiing so great it’s amazing to be apart of a legacy she started so thank you Marissa for letting me and my family help others out there like you did. We miss and love you Marissa.Sis keep going strong you are doing an amazing job..
I love you, I miss you!
love you marissa.
missing you.
thinking about you everyday….
heyy riss 🙂 well i really wish you were here right now. i need someeone to take my mind off of everything thats going on. i jus wanna be with you right now. i love you and miss you everyday. visit me tonight please i really need it.
you had so many people who loved you.. what pushed you to the edge.. i wish i knew you better. rest in peace
Marissa last week I was watching the notebook and at this one part in the movie rachel mcadams reminded me of you. I would look at her then at the in memory card of you and it was so weird because you looked JUST LIKE HER. it was so weird. but everyone misses you marissa. Watch over everyone.
I MISS YOU
Miss u marissa. I swear I saw this girl who looked slot like u today, I had to take another look. Just reminded me of how much I miss you and how I wish you were here celebrating summertime with all of us. Rest in peace girl
Marissa i know we didn’t hangout that much senior yr but the affect of talking to u just the week before still hurts me inside that i didn’t notice anything.
I LOVE AND MISS U AS WELL AS EVERYONE DOES
WIsh you were here to celebrate my birthday with me like you usually would be…i love youuuu
I MISSSSSSSS U 🙁 Ugh
Sheesh! Ohk, at first I would like to say to Marissa, I love and miss you soooo much. You don’t know how much I looked up to you, seriously. Whenever we would have family functions and stuff, I would always want to hangout with you because I looked up to you, but I was shy so you might not have known that, but I hope you did before all of this happened. Ohk, so my “sheesh” goes out to the other people (sort of). Ohk so I am happy that TC made this blogging website so that all of us could express our sadness that Marissa is making us go through in our everyday lives. I’ve been to 97% of all the Marissa’s Closet stuff and I know pretty much everyone that comments on this stuff that puts their real name. I feel really bad for you guys just because you feel this way, but the part that makes me cry like crazy after I read this website is how some of you guys are treating Marissa. She didn’t know what the heck she was doing so DON’T BLAME IT ON HER. Some of you guys are making it sound like you are taking her death harder than some of her own family is taking it and that is totally not true. If some of you guys are taking her death the way yo say it on here, imagine how all of her real, related family is taking it . . . There is very limited family that is writing on this, it is mainly her friends and that is cool because its part of the process of the shock of her death because you guys are young, around 18 years old, but for the main 2-4 people that write on this website very constantly, and you know who you are, need to stop what some of you guys are saying, like, the language you use, first of all, and the message that you are sending out to other people!!!!!!! Calling Marissa “gay” for committing suicide is not going to look good to the people that came to this website from the Marissa’s Closet website. Ohk, I don’t know if you look at the Marissa’s Closet website or not but there is a link on that website to take you to this website so that other people can know how many lives were touched by Marissa. Cussing her out for doing this is not going to let Marissa’s Closet look good or professional. Some people just might that that “oh this place is a joke or something”. We don’t want people to think that or have their minds even cross that thought for one second. That is also a part of the reason why Melinda(Marissa’s Mom) made Marissa’s Closet. Not so just that her legacy could live on forever, but so that it could help with the healing process with her death. And you gotta think about this, if you could see Marissa one last time, would you cuss her out and call her those names to her face and really mean it? If I was doing that(which I never would) I would’t do that at all. It’s also a factor of respect that you got and I respect Marissa very much but we all have different levels of respect for her so that just depends on your individual personality and fellings. So, for all of Marissa’s friends, on and off of this website, that live in Ripon, HELP WITH MARISSA’S CLOSET. That, right there, is going to be the best therapy you can get for Marissa’s death. Nothing else is going to fix it for you. It’s hard for me to go to every Marissa’s Closet thing because I live in the Bay Area and for a lot of the functions I have gone to, there was pretty much family that I saw there, maybe 1-2 friends or supporters?! I hope I didn’t offend anybody by this post, that’s not what it was meant for. What is was meant for was so that it could help you.
And even if you are her best friend, I know you are dealing with this very hard because I know I would take this very hard if my best friend did that too. I couldn’t imagine if my best friend did that because we have known each other our whole lives. I am sorry if I offended you. My post was not to offend anyone at all whatsoever so please just take it as advice, not as criticism.
umm sorry but did you ever even hang out with her? obviously not becaused I danced with her and every other word out of her mouth was fuck and gay, she would never be offended by that-she fucking hated judgemental people, even if they were her family…and i thought this site was supposed to be about marissa, not marissas closet, dont they have their own site for that? and i here what you are saying about only her family helpin out but fyi i kicked it with marissa and anyone else that did should know exactly how she felt about her mom, so before you go pointing fingers at me and her other friends maybe you otta realize that marissa was real and that is how she would want us to be–next time you go writing on here hopefully you will keep it about marissa because thats what this is for
miss you bud buddy 😉 <3 <3 <3
To Katie:
I feel that your previous essay posting was directed towards my postings. I will say what I feel like saying whenever, even it may be calling Marissa gay, cus you know what? She is. You obviously can’t possibly understand what her BEST FRIENDS are going thro bc you think what i’m posting is a joke. your posting is offensive, and I don’t appreciate it.
addressing this somewhere else probably wouldve been a better fit, bc this sight is meant to REMEMBER Marissa solely,
On a more positive note, I miss YOU Marissa.
Kaitlyn,
I am very sorry. I can honestly say that I have no idea how you and hers’ best friends are going though this. I can not imagine loosing my best friend and I am sorry that you had to deal loosing your best friend. When I posted that this morning I was just frustrated and somethings I over did (while re-reading it). I didn’t mean to make it offensive because all of the people that were touched by Marissa shouldn’t be mad or fighting or whatever with each other or be angry but help each other through this difficult time. I hope you can accept my apology.
Yeah I do, :]
Thank you. Sorry I kind of made a bad first impression of my self on you but this is still just very sensative subject as it is for everyone else (obviously). I’ll probably see you soon at something Marissa’s Closet related. Thanks again. Hope you are doing well.
so lately ive been thinking about you a lot. i really miss you and wish you were here so that i could talk to you. i actually talked about you today for awhile it was nice. i love you girlie and im missing you like crazy down here.
I miss you.. :'(
Work still isn’t the same without you. Please vist me in my dreams tonight. Something? I need to see you…. I don’t care if it’s just a second.. Anything…
I love you.
its so werid to think, you really are gone. its taken me this long to finally accept it, its truly been such a heartbreak continuing life without you….ily
Hi Marissa!
I just wanted to tell you that I had a dream about you last night and you were still here with everyone, then I woke up, and I saw your funeral phamplet (or whatever that thing is called). I cried a little. I miss you! Watch over everyone okie? Love you.
Well Marissa. It has been a very very long 7 months since you’ve been gone. I come on here every once in a while and it is crazy how many people you really hurt by doing what you did. I am not going to pretend like you were my best friend and we were always together, because we weren’t. But I do know that you were a friend at school I could always talk to if I needed to. It bugs me when people come on here and pretend like they were your best friend when everyone knows they weren’t. I can say though, however, that what you did,did effect my life and i do miss you. Watch over us all and help those who need you the most. Love and miss youuu! Jesika [:
Marissa-
I never had the opportunity of getting to know you, i am a RHS 2006 graduate and i heard about your death through someone i know from RHS. I have read many articles about you and how amazing you truly were. Today i googled your name and so many articles came up and pictures of you too. It’s amazing how one person can touch so many lives. I think you were pretty amazing, and even though i never got a chance to meet you and sadly only heard about you after your death i often think about you. every time i hear a song called “if i die young” by the band perry i think about you, this is how it goes:
if i die young bury me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
ooh ooh ooh ooh
lord make me a rainbow i’ll shine down on my mother
shes knows i’m safe with you and she stands under my colors
oh and life aint always what you think it ought to be
no it aint even grey but she buries her baby
the sharp knife of a short life
well i’ve had just enough time
if i die young bury me satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
the sharp knife of a short life
well, i have just enough time
and i’ll be wearing white
when i come into your kingdom
i’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
well i’ve never known the lovin of man
but it sure felt nice when he was holdin my hand
there’s a boy here in town
who says he’ll love me forever
who would have thought forever could be severed
by a sharp knife of a short life
well i’ve had just enough time
so put on your best boys, and i’ll wear my pearls
what i never did is done
a penny for my thoughts oh no i’ll sell em for a dollar
theyre worth so much more after i’m a gonner
and maybe then you’ll hear the words that i’ve been singin’
it’s funny when your dead how people start listenin’
if i die young burry me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
ooh ooh the ballad of a dove
go with peace and love
gather up your tears and keep them in your pocket
save em for a time when your really gonna need em.
oh the sharp knife of a short life
well i’ve had just enough time
so put on your best boys, and i’ll wear my pearls…
well i thought i’d share this with you =) i hope your friends and family find the strength they need to keep going.
p.s hope you like it!
I misssssss you 🙁
so were going camping tomorrow again jus like we did last year. the only thing is that you should be going with us this time. love you girlie. hopefully you will be with us this weekend.
sissy, its been exactly 8 months today, i miss you like crazy =( love you.
Im getting a tattoo in memory of you, thats how much I love you 🙂
heyy girlie me and my family went to modesto applebees today. its so weird being there with you not being there. love you girlieee and i miss you like crazyyyy!
Miss & love youuuu!
Eight months already…unbelievable. :/
<3
marisssa.. your always on my mind and lately you have been there more and more every night i close my eyes. the other night i stayed home thinking about you and wishing you were still here. when i close my eyes i see your beautiful face alllll the time. i was looking at old pictures from like 8th grade and freshemn year annnd shiiit i misssss you! nothing is the same now with out you. i stilll feeel like this is all a mistake and its fake and that your stilll here.. buut your not:( i wisssh that alll my dreams could come trrue because alot of them your bitch assss is in them:))! ohhhh annnd by the waaay you owe me stilll;) onne daay when i seee you again we willl reunite annnd alll make you owe my asss. haha welll just wanted to stop by annnnd write a lil something. i love you girrrl misssin you each and everydaay. visit me soon:) iLOVEyou:)
Love you. 🙂
I miss you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!!!
Hey girlie(: its been awhile, just telling you hi and that i love you….i miss you so much its hard to not be able to talk to you anymore or even text you even tho we always talked about how much i hated the way you used to text..i miss it now. please watch over me while im at the air force academy, i could really use your strength…I LOVE YOU MARISSA!!!!
it is still hard for me to realize that you are really gone, after reading all the blogs i feel like my heart breaks all over again. your up there with my sister now and you are just like my sister i am sure you are watching down on us all. i wish i could of come around more been home more but when i was home i remember you and krysta and me playing dress up taking pictures acting crazy. we always had smiles on our face even though we were driving manda and bobbi crazy but they cracked up anyway. i miss you much feels like a lifetime already and this is harder for me then any one could ever understand… i dont know if i will ever be the same with out you and steph but i try. i try to put on a happy face and hide behind mine pain but days like today i just cant control it. i am not sure if i will ever be the same person that i used to be again. the kids miss you much wondering why your gone. A.j says she loves you so much and that you are another angel able to watch over our lives. i miss you ma more then words can explain. i cant even find the words my tears express my pain
Miss you girl!!!!
Here I am again..three o’clock in the morning listening to the song they played at your funeral. 🙁
I miss you so much. I still can’t believe you’re gone…
The day that God decides to bring me into Heaven I will run straight to you and give you the biggest hug that I can give. I hope you are happier up in Heaven. Please continue to visit me. I love you…
Marissa,
Today it’s already been nine months exactly today. It’s crazy how fast time went by. I still miss you just as much as the night I found out what happened. I wish you could come back. I miss you!! Especially at work. I hope you are happy! That’s all I want. Continue to visit me in my dreams please, watch over me. Love and miss you.
Wish you were here to enjoy college with me and kamie! Love you besttttfriend
so im sitting here trying to write a letter of introduction about myself and all i can think about myself is how much things changed when you left us. wish you were here to help me out. love you
Wish u were here I could use your wisdom and advice
Hey Marissa!
So I stared MJC a few weeks ago, and a girl in my english class knows you. We talk about you a lot! Anyways, we had to write and essay and I thought I would share it with you. I showed it to your mom and she enjoyed it. I hope you like it. <3
If there are any rude comments, please keep them to yourself. I just wanted to express my feelings in this essay and share it with everyone. <3
Lesson from an angel
There are many principles to live by in life. If I had to choose one that I thought was the most important to me it would be to be grateful for those around you, and to never take people for granted. You will never know when it will be their last day.
It was a cold December day and I had just gotten off of work. I kicked off my shoes and placed them beside my bedroom door as I headed for bed. The rest of my night consisted of late night studying and internet browsing. The next moment however, was a moment I would never forget. I was just about to call it quits for the night and lay down, when my dad walked in and had a look of concern on his face. He kept that expression and continued to stand in the doorway, motionless and mute. I sat there wondering what could be wrong, did I do something? I couldn’t take the feeling anymore and finally asked him what was wrong.
“Dad, what’s wrong? You seem upset?” He continued to stand there until I asked again with more concern. “Dad, answer me.”
“It’s about your friend from work.”
“Okay, well what’s wrong? Who is it?”
“Your friend Marissa, she shot herself…” As he said this he looked at me and began to watch the tears roll down my face. I sat there in silence and was in a state of shock. I had just talked to Marissa the previous day! How could this be true? Only one question was running through my mind, why.
Marissa was someone that everyone looked up to, everyone loved her. She was involved in cheerleading, started an amazing charity for those less fortunate, had a great sense of humor, was very giving, and worked hard for what she wanted. Marissa was even invited to Harvard for the summer for a school program. She was one of those people who automatically lit up a room when she walked in. From the moment I had met Marissa, I could tell something deep down inside of her something was wrong but I never had the courage to ask her until the day before her death.
I walked towards the host stand where Marissa was and propped myself up against the seat.
“Hey Marissa, how are you?” I smiled as I admired her beautiful smile back.
“What’s up Cass? I’m alright, how are you?” She said as she smiled at the customers walking out of the restaurant.
“I’m good. Listen, I’ve been wanting to ask you something for quite a while.” I looked down and hoped she would answer my question.
“Sure. Ask away.”
I stood there, frozen. It felt as if my lips were stuck together, I couldn’t pull them apart. I shook my head and blurted out what I had to ask. “You’re happy right? I mean I’ve looked at your profile online and read some of your poems and you seem, upset.” She looked at me for a minute or two and looked down, her eyes watered as she looked back up.
She looked at me with a look of hurt on her face. “Thanks for noticing that Cass, but really I’m okay. That was a long time ago.” I didn’t believe her. I shook my head and looked downwards, feeling stupid for asking such a question. Then, I noticed something, scars. I looked closer at her arms and saw a line of scars everywhere leading up to her inner elbow.
“Marissa, your arm, please tell me” She looked at me again, expressionless.
“It’s just a lot of things at home. Things aren’t right. I really would rather not talk about it.”
“Alright, well if you ever need to talk, I’m always here for you.”
“Thank you.” She smiled at me once more and I felt a small sense of relief. Unfortunately, this would be the last smile I would ever see from Marissa.
It has only been nine short months since Marissa’s unexpected death, but she still continues to wander my mind. There is not a day that goes by where I do not sit and cry wishing that I would have said more to her, telling her how much I look up to her. Hoping that there was something I could have said that would have made her think differently about herself. On some days I find myself angry, wondering how someone so beautiful, that had so much going for them commit an act so selfish. Suicide is one act that I will never fully understand, but as for now I will have to.
From that day on, I have learned to be grateful for the people that you are surrounded by. Never take them for granted and always listen to what they have to say; because you will never know the last time you will see them. This is one life principle I wish I would have learned earlier in life myself, not having to learn from a horrible experience like this. Marissa has taught me so much and I will continue to stay happy for her as she is up in Heaven while she continues to teach us this amazing life principle.
I can think back on so many times that Ive thought, “I really wish Marissa was here.” I wish you wouldve been smarter to know what the future held for you. I miss you sooooooooooo much. Its a slap in the face to finally realize, your not coming back. I love you
Still think about you everyday, And its still not the same. I guess it will never be.
Love you always,
Star fish
i miss you girl!